The Bar Bouncer Theory of Foreign Relations

I don’t like bars and I don’t visit bars but I have a theory about bars that is a lesson for the so-called smart people out there who are running our State Department.

Bar owners want lots of people to come to their business to drink and have a good time. The problem is that the more people that show up and the more who imbibe more than they can handle, the likelihood of conflict escalates.

There’s just something about demon Rum and other alcoholic beverages that brings out the worst in people. Some people who get drunk also get rowdy and start to argue and sometimes their dispute turns into an all-out brawl.

So what’s a bar owner to do? Well, if the problem persists, the bar owner will hire a bouncer or two to stand by to deal with the rowdy drunks so the patrons can drink in peace and safety.

Now let me ask you a question. When the bar owner hires a bouncer, what is he looking for? Does he want to hire the local Yoga instructor who will discuss with the combatants that they need to heighten their awareness of the futility of expressing anger and develop sincere compassion for those who may not agree with them then lead them in some stretching and breathing exercises so they can center their souls and develop a higher level of internal peace?

Are you kidding? They look for a couple of ape-sized male tough-guys who look rather unpleasant and who are able to pick up one drunk with one hand while hammerlocking another into submission. In other words they are looking for someone who is strong and able to exercise that strength – not to hurt the good patrons of their establishment, but to quash the socially unacceptable behavior of people who have lost control of themselves.

You may already have figured out the connection between bar-bouncers and foreign policy that I’m about to make.

Unless someone in the world is big and strong and able to walk into the middle of a conflict and scare the crapola out of the combatants, and if necessary arm wrestle or even body slam them to the floor, the other peace loving patrons of planet earth will suffer from the bloody acts of the hooligans.

Or as Ronald Reagan used to say, “Peace through strength.”

Right now the hooligans of the world know the world has no foreign policy bar bouncer big enough or at least willing to quell any of their atrocious, immoral and too often Allah-inspired acts of violence.

Golly, America used to be the bar bouncer of foreign policy. Now all our State Department can seem to muster up when ruffians assassinate State Department employees including an ambassador then desecrate the American flag and burn down our embassies is a pathetic apology worthy of what can only be called a Girly-Man foreign policy.

We’ve wimpified our foreign policy into fecklessness. We’ve become impotent and irrelevant actors on the world stage. People all around the world are wagging their heads in disbelief that this once great world-power has so declined in influence that it cannot even stop a little mob from climbing the walls of an embassy in a shabby third-world nation.

The bar fights around the world will soon escalate into regional battles and regional battles into another world war unless the United States of America once again develops some foreign policy cahonies and hires an army of bar-bouncers to body slam a few dimwitted religious extremists and third-world tyrants into well, how about Yoga students or better yet – grave yard fertilizer.

YOU CAN VIEW MY VIDEO OF THIS ESSAY ON YOUTUBE if you click the link below!

Bar Bouncer Theory of Foreign Relations

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