What Lonely People Say

February 11, 2014 Kick in the Pants No comments

What’s your reason for being lonely? There are reasons and there are misguided excuses. You can identify which are excuses and which are reasons by hearing what lonely peoples say.

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“I’m alone by no choice of my own.” Some years ago I knew a lady who wanted to save her marriage from destruction. She had two sons, a lovely home and many things worth fighting for. She got her husband to agree to join a sports team for couples so they could share their leisure time in hopes that this would draw them closer together. It didn’t work. He ran off with another man’s wife he met playing volleyball in the couple’s league. Suddenly she was alone but not by any choice of her own.

A good friend recently had to place his 92-year-old mother in an extended care facility. It was an elegant home with everything his mother could possibly need. She had only one complaint: she knew absolutely no one. She felt abandoned and alone.

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Eight Causes of Loneliness

February 3, 2014 Kick in the Pants No comments

At every season in life, loneliness of some degree is unavoidable: Intransigence – change, tragedy – joy, failure – success, birth – death, love- hate, war – peace, life itself, all contribute to social interaction or social disconnect. What are the causes of loneliness? Here are eight common causes of loneliness:

Abuse (often referred to as psychological loneliness). Childhood trauma is sometimes a factor for the chronically lonely. Such things as cruelty, neglect, exploitation, bullying, etc. can cause the victims to think the people around them are not worthy of their trust, and drive them to live solitary, and what they think are, safe lives.

Rejection (often referred to as social loneliness). Those who are abandoned ridiculed or lied to often suffer from loneliness. If they are told, “You’re no good”, or “You’re not welcome here,” by family and friends, if they are frequently lied to, they begin to see the whole world as a dangerous and unfriendly place. To protect themselves from further harm they build defensive walls that shut out those who could be friends.

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Is Your Life Plagued by Loneliness? Tips to Overcome It

January 31, 2014 This & That by Ron Ross No comments

GUEST POST BY Ross A. Rosenberg

Ross Rosenberg

All too often in my psychotherapy practice, I have heard gut-wrenching stories of profound and deep loneliness. My personal and professional experiences with loneliness have moved me to better understand and treat this multi-dimensional problem.

Simply defined, loneliness is a condition of relational disconnection, social awkwardness and prolonged bouts of solitude. Lonely people often struggle with anxiety and depression, which renders them insecure and pessimistic about finding desirable and compatible friendships. Poor self-esteem and an underdeveloped sense of one’s worthiness, likeability and attractiveness prevent the lonely person from taking risks and venturing out into new relationships. Hence, they typically lack confidence and emotional energy to pursue new relationships or nurture existing ones. As a chronic condition, it can be emotionally and psychologically debilitating.

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Shocking Death Reveals Loneliness

January 27, 2014 Kick in the Pants No comments

Roy Geno’s body was found draped in a tree. It was below an embankment that dropped some 50 feet to railroad tracks near Nineteenth and Mason Streets in Omaha, Nebraska. A 9-year-old girl walking with her aunt along the tracks saw the body. Police investigated but nobody knew what really happened.

Geno could have fallen from the edge and landed in the trees, he could have been pushed, or, in his despair, he could have done it himself. No one saw anything. No one knows. An autopsy was done but it revealed only that Geno had cirrhosis of the liver. His death, according to an article in the Omaha World Herald, had an added ignominy: Officials initially misspelled his name; they identified him as “Ray” Geno.

There was little said about his passing except for the grim way his body was found. Had he died in his cheap hotel room where he lived downtown, his name would have been a mere entry in a routine corner’s report.

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Who Are the Lonely?

January 19, 2014 Kick in the Pants No comments

By Ron Ross

More than one out of three adults 45 and older reported they were chronically lonely, according to a survey done by the AARP in 2010. The definition given for “chronically lonely” makes the report even sadder; chronically lonely means they have been lonely for a long time.

This loneliness persists in a Facebook world of a few authentic and an excess of fantasy friendships. In May, 2013 Facebook had over 1.19 billion active users worldwide with 4.5 billion “likes” generated daily with 78 million people logging on to it every day sharing 4.5 billion pieces of content, yet one out of three are still lonely.

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