Loneliness ends when friendship begins, right? So, how do you go from all alone to all the friends you want and need? The solution, though not quick and easy, begins with you, within your own heart and mind. Here are five steps you must take to enter the friendship zone and create and maintain as many real friendships as you desire:
Step 1: Show up. You form relationships most frequently from the people you see most frequently. That means if you want to find a friend you must get out of your shell and show up someplace where people you might like to meet can be found. Get active in a cause you support, go to church, volunteer, or search for clubs or other organizations that interest you. When we moved from San Diego to Colorado we moved to a town where we knew almost no one. When the political season started I went to a caucus meeting and met some of our neighbors. Now we have new friends with common interests because I showed up.
Step 2: Speak up. It is easy to interact with people who like the same things you like. When I went to the political caucus meeting, I was confident I would meet people who agreed with my political ideas. In the process I got to know a couple with whom I shared much more than a common political position. We asked questions, listened politely, shared personal histories, and were drawn together by what we saw and heard. We spoke up!
Passing friendship is the first level. The interesting person you sit next to on a long flight or the stranger who assists you in a moment of need would be passing friendships. After my freshman year in college I took a train from Julesburg, Colorado to Columbus, Nebraska. Sitting close to me was a lovely young lady my age and we chatted like old friends every mile of the way. Before I departed the train we exchanged addresses and promised to stay in touch forever, but we did not. It was a passing friendship. This category would also include nearly all school-days friends.
“I’m shy. That’s just the way I am,” said a young lady I spoke to recently. To her, shyness is in the same category as the color of her eyes or the size of her feet – something she cannot change. But she can change, and so can you. You do not have to be stranded alone in the corner of a room while everyone else has a good time. Here are three reasons why you are shy and one thing you can do about it.
1. Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground. He said, “Believe it or not, that’s almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago.”
The quickest cure for loneliness is to find a friend. Like everything worthwhile, it is easier said than done. Lonely people need a few guiding principles in their pursuit of friendship. Here are five principles that will help you develop good friends.
