Does addictive texting foster or abate loneliness?
Texting is a very useful technology however there is a real negative side to it. Besides the dangers previously referred to in these columns, there is a real problem with texting when there is conflict
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Do not text when you are angry!
between texters.
A Brigham Young University study* found that men and women in conflict situations text differently. Men are more likely to text to attack or avoid (fight or flight response), while women are more likely to text to capitulate or minimize conflict. Arguing via text may feel safe to the combatants, but the technological barrier weakens the relationship.
If you are over 50 years old you might remember that little game teenagers played back in the 50s, 60s and 70s. A boyfriend would call his girlfriend, then after 45 minutes or maybe a couple of hours on the phone, one of their mothers would chide them into hanging up, and the game would begin. Back then parents got upset about the unending phone conversations, but no parent worried that their teenager was lonely because he or she spent too much time on the phone.
Step 1: Show up. You form relationships most frequently from the people you see most frequently. That means if you want to find a friend you must get out of your shell and show up someplace where people you might like to meet can be found. Get active in a cause you support, go to church, volunteer, or search for clubs or other organizations that interest you. When we moved from San Diego to Colorado we moved to a town where we knew almost no one. When the political season started I went to a caucus meeting and met some of our neighbors. Now we have new friends with common interests because I showed up.
Passing friendship is the first level. The interesting person you sit next to on a long flight or the stranger who assists you in a moment of need would be passing friendships. After my freshman year in college I took a train from Julesburg, Colorado to Columbus, Nebraska. Sitting close to me was a lovely young lady my age and we chatted like old friends every mile of the way. Before I departed the train we exchanged addresses and promised to stay in touch forever, but we did not. It was a passing friendship. This category would also include nearly all school-days friends.
“I’m shy. That’s just the way I am,” said a young lady I spoke to recently. To her, shyness is in the same category as the color of her eyes or the size of her feet – something she cannot change. But she can change, and so can you. You do not have to be stranded alone in the corner of a room while everyone else has a good time. Here are three reasons why you are shy and one thing you can do about it.
