What makes one person confident and another one insecure?
Money makes some people think they are invincible. The idea is, the more money they have the more secure their life is. Remember Bernard Madoff? He “managed” millions of dollars for thousands of people who put their trust in money. When his elaborate Ponzi scheme was uncovered in 2008, he, and all of his investors lost it all.
Talent is another source of confidence. The brilliant comedian and actor Robin Williams certainly had talent, yet he spent much of his life battling alcoholism and drug abuse. In August, 2014 he gave up on life and hanged himself in his California home. His talent was indisputable, but it did not give him the confidence he needed to face the challenges of daily living.
Ninety-two percent of Americans believe in God. Why? Because the evidences of a Creator God are immediately available to anyone with an open mind willing to consider them.
Evidence 1: The intricacy of creation. Have you noticed that it appears that nearly everything on earth has a purpose? How did that happen? Logic tells the honest mind that “things” display intention, they have a reason to exist or they would not be here. These “things” also require a designer who had incredible intellect and calculated will.
To answer the question, “Who am I” requires you ask, “Where did I come from?” Many try to answer that question with a genealogical search. That only answers part of the question. A genealogical search may teach you about your ancestors but it does not tell you anything about your origin.
Where did I come from?
Before you were born on earth you were conceived in the mind of God. Most people know this is true for two reasons: Intellectual observation – the obvious physical evidence the world we live in has an incredible design, and Personal observation – your internal sense that there is more to life than a few short years on earth. I will briefly touch on each subject.
The postings on this website are first published as a column in a variety of weekly papers across the USA. Each posting is a portion of a book soon to be published under the title, “Acquire Confidence: What Confident People Do That You Can Do Too!” When the book is complete it will have six sections with several of the columns as a part of each section.
The following is a summary of each section:
Purpose for Living: Every living person is here for a purpose. While most people spend most of their lives only sucking up air and taking up space, you will notice that self-confident people know who they are and why they are here. You will realize that “who you are” is all you need to be, and that envying someone else is wasted effort. Your quirks and distinctive character traits are what make you stand out. You will discover how YOU to celebrate and build on them and thereby live on purpose. You will come to understand that life has meaning and purpose not only while you are here but also in your life to come.
Google “self-confidence” and you will get three-bazillion web pages that suggest a variety of ways for you to gain self-confidence. Some promise instant self-confidence if you do this or act like that.
Common sense tells you nothing as powerful as quiet self-confidence comes once you learn a few tricks and make a few tweaks to your personality. With those few tricks and tweaks you can mask your self-doubt, but somehow through your face or hands or other body language, the truth of your self-doubt leaks out, your mask melts away and you are caught with your confidence down.
There are at least four artificial ways to acquire confidence:
How confident are you? It makes a difference, you know. The measure of your self-confidence is revealed in a variety of ways: your voice, the language you use, your body language, your grooming and much more.
Self-confident people have a natural magnetism about them. They can be identified almost immediately when they enter a room. They walk with buoyancy, stand with dignity, speak with conviction, and love with passion. They know where they have been, where they’re going, and why. They believe they are able to solve problems, overcome obstacles, and achieve goals.
Who am I, and, why am I here? Those are the two most important questions you can ask yourself.
Let’s answer question 1, “Who am I?”
Your business has enemies – and they are not the kind of enemies you often think of such as nasty competitors, government regulations, deteriorating store front, or a suffering economy. Your worst enemies are found right inside your heart and mind and that is where they must be challenged and defeated. Here are five enemies that you as a small business owner must face and conquer to see the kind of success you dream of:
Enemy #1: Loss of enthusiasm: Do you remember the enthusiasm with which you began your business? Unfortunately that enthusiasm begins to wane about the same time you discover your sales projections were off or your margins weren’t what you figured.
It is easy to get bored with the mundane tasks of your business. They sap your energy, wear you down and keep you from doing the part of your business that brings growth and profit. You begin to let things slip. You don’t wash the windows, properly train your help, or stay current on the latest products or services; then you wake up in the middle of the night and wonder what happened and fear about the future sets in.
Kick in the Pants, SELF-IMPROVEMENT
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Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
For decades Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn), reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge), widely accepted truths (freedom is better than dependency or slavery), and an understanding of his position in the universe (there is a God and He is love, man is a sinner so grace and forgiveness are necessary).
Early indicators of his demise came when Common Sense could not understand how or why a woman was rewarded a huge settlement only because she failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was actually hot.
“He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen just to hear him crow.” – George Eliot
Ask someone who they would rather spend time with, an arrogant person or a self-confident person and their answer will be quick and easy. No one likes to be around an arrogant person.
There are nine easily recognizable clues that you might be arrogant that I have compiled. Follow with me and see if any of these apply to you. I must confess that as I wrote these, more than once I had to pause and admit, Ron, you are talking about yourself. So please, don’t think I am writing these from some ivory tower of confidence – it’s more like I’m writing them from the swamp of real-life-experience.
Clue #1: Your favorite subject is you! You want to be the center of attention of every gathering. You want all eyes on you, all conversation about you, at least as long as the conversation is positive, and you don’t like it when the focus turns on someone else.
Awkward, shy, indecisive. Do those words describe you? Do you often interpret non critical comments as critical? Are you perpetually pessimistic about people, places and events?
What you need is stronger self-confidence, a more honest sense of your own self-worth. Here are five quick steps you can take that if implemented over time will create within you a stronger self-confidence.
Step 1: Emphasize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. Low self-esteem starts inside your own head. It is a result of what you focus on, what you think, say and feel about yourself. Start applauding yourself for the things you accomplish, even if they are modest; and stop focusing only on the mistakes you make. You tend to get what you think about.
Those stupid things you think about yourself pollute your mind, limit your achievements and corrupt your confidence. For some reason, the loudest voice you hear, the one that speaks with the most authority and does the most harm to you is not your mother’s voice, it is your own.
Here are six of the most popular stupid things people say about themselves.
Stupid Thing No. 1: The Perfection Deception. It goes something like this, “If my performance is not perfect I am a total failure.” You re-live every performance and brood over all the ways you screwed up and in the process beat the life out of yourself for not being perfect. Well, you’re not perfect so get over it.